Throughout my working life, it has always been a standing joke amongst my colleagues, that once we reach a certain age, we would all hope to develop some ailment which would enable us to retire early.....
On April Fools Day, I was diagnosed with M.S.
Multiple Sclerosis was not an illnes that had ever been on my personal radar.
Thyroid problems, due to family history or Type 2 Diabetes with age or, as a smoker, the certainty of Lung Cancer. These had all lurked in my brain as possibilities.
But never M.S.
The ”Grieving Process” kicked in.
Shock, anger, disbelief and acceptance, I’ve been through them all in a very short space of time. I’m still going through the stages, fluctuating between disbelief and acceptance, which is odd, as they’re so opposite each other.
But everything at the moment, is odd.
The past year has been odd and getting more surreal as time goes by.
There’s so much going through my mind I need to write it down.
Maybe then everything will make sense or form a pattern or at least, the jumble of thoughts will leave my head, once they are expressed.
On April Fools Day, I was diagnosed with M.S.
Multiple Sclerosis was not an illnes that had ever been on my personal radar.
Thyroid problems, due to family history or Type 2 Diabetes with age or, as a smoker, the certainty of Lung Cancer. These had all lurked in my brain as possibilities.
But never M.S.
The ”Grieving Process” kicked in.
Shock, anger, disbelief and acceptance, I’ve been through them all in a very short space of time. I’m still going through the stages, fluctuating between disbelief and acceptance, which is odd, as they’re so opposite each other.
But everything at the moment, is odd.
The past year has been odd and getting more surreal as time goes by.
There’s so much going through my mind I need to write it down.
Maybe then everything will make sense or form a pattern or at least, the jumble of thoughts will leave my head, once they are expressed.
The emotional side of me still thinks the Neuro Team have got it wrong.
The logical side of me knows they didn’t.
Hence the disbelief and acceptance. I’ve seen the MRI result and had all the white blotches explained. I’ve had the pain and transient blindness of Optic Neuritis associated with MS. I get constant vertigo due to my Balance Centre now being nothing more than the largest of the white blotches. And my right leg doesn’t feel or behave as if it still belongs to me.
Yet I can lie in bed, awake at silly o’clock, and create all sorts of reasons and explanations for these symptoms and the abnormal MRI scan.
At the same time, I feel relief to have an actual diagnosis that explains why I haven’t felt well for the past 18 months and that it’s not my fault.
Strangely, I feel comforted by the fact that this illnes was not caused by anything I’ve done or not done.
The logical side of me knows they didn’t.
Hence the disbelief and acceptance. I’ve seen the MRI result and had all the white blotches explained. I’ve had the pain and transient blindness of Optic Neuritis associated with MS. I get constant vertigo due to my Balance Centre now being nothing more than the largest of the white blotches. And my right leg doesn’t feel or behave as if it still belongs to me.
Yet I can lie in bed, awake at silly o’clock, and create all sorts of reasons and explanations for these symptoms and the abnormal MRI scan.
At the same time, I feel relief to have an actual diagnosis that explains why I haven’t felt well for the past 18 months and that it’s not my fault.
Strangely, I feel comforted by the fact that this illnes was not caused by anything I’ve done or not done.
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